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The Difference Between Girls and Girls

Christian Girl?

I am not a Nice Christian Girl.

I'm not cruel. I am definitely a Christian. And I am female. But I am not a Nice Christian Girl.

Sometimes I wish I were. Sometimes I think I should work harder to become one. But alas, I am not. And I don't think I ever will be.

Beauty and the Denise

I suppose I should explain myself before my family and friends form prayer groups for my salvation.

In the 18 years since I first confessed Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life, I have met many Nice Christian Girls.¹ In all honesty, they are truly impressive. They are beautiful and sweet, and almost all of their conversations have something to do with the Lord and what He's doing in their lives. These girls are cautious about what they say, they are sensitive to the needs of others and they would never even think of saying something sarcastic. These lovely ladies are well-liked by everyone, because there's nothing not to like about them. I admire them, because they have perfected the art of making other people feel comfortable and accepted.

Then there's me.

I say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Gentleness and kindness fell off of my Fruit of the Spirit Tree a long time ago, rotten and crawling with worms. Sarcasm and I are best friends. My voice is not sing-songy or sugary-sweet, and I do not bake my own bread. The Proverbs 31 woman probably thinks of me with disgust as she gets up before the sun to sew extravagant garments for her family. Then again, she may not even know who I am — we've never actually crossed paths since I'm usually sleeping in until noon.²

If At First You Don't Succeed ...

So, why am I not an NCG? It's not for lack of trying. I've realized that they do a lot of things correctly (and their sweetness usually seems to attract the boys). So in an attempt to be more Christ-like (and attract the boys), I have made an effort to morph myself into one of them.

I think the first impression I give off to people might fool them into thinking I'm an NCG. When I'm new to a group, I'm usually quiet and sweet. I don't speak up too much, and I keep my humor to myself. But once I've warmed up to people, it's all over. The real Denise shines through, sarcastic and lacking in grace.

Now I'm not saying that I'm completely tactless and cruel. I have my share of friends, and as far as I know, I haven't made too many people cry — at least not recently. It's not that I am evil or wrong. I just don't seem to be able to do things with as much compassion and gentleness as the NCGs.

Christian Cloning

I have felt a lot of pressure to be like the NCGs — mostly from myself. However, I think there is also some subtle insistence from churches and families that Christian girls are supposed to be mild and smiley. They are supposed to be obsessed with marriage, and want lots of kids. We girls should always present our best face — no matter what we're really feeling. And once we girls turn into moms, that's when we begin wearing embroidered vests and decorating our kitchens with chickens or apples. While not often vocalized, these ideas are engrained in us, where they quietly help us form judgments about the women around us.

The NCG is an interesting concept we have come up with, especially since it's not necessarily a biblical idea. Of course, the Bible does tell women to submit. Gentleness is indeed a fruit of the spirit. I wholeheartedly agree with those things. However, all women do not fit into one personality mold. Just look at the women named in the lineage of Jesus, for goodness' sake!

Tamar was bold enough to make sure she had a child, no matter what it took. (She slept with her father-in-law — not something an NCG would do. Actually, not something I would do either. The NCGs and I are very similar in that matter.) Rahab (a prostitute) lied in order to hide Israelite spies. Ruth was pretty wild too. She hung out all night with a man who was not her husband. And we all know about Bathsheba (wink, wink). Then there's Mary, who vocally praised the Lord for her pregnancy, even though there was probably plenty of talk around town about her "encounter with the Holy Spirit."

Those are just the ladies in Jesus' lineage. God has used all kinds of women (and all kinds of personalities) to glorify himself. And He continues to do so.

My Spiritual Gift is Bluntness

Recently, I have given up on trying to be completely like the NCGs. Part of my decision may have to do with the fact that I'm a hopeless cause. But I think some of the reason also stems from recognizing who Christ made me to be.

According to the Bible, God created our inmost beings; He knew us before we were born (Psalm 139). God delights in us (Psalm 18:19, Psalm 149:4). He also has blessed each of us with different spiritual gifts in order to serve Him and others (Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12).

If all these things are true — and if I choose to believe what the Bible says — then I don't need to be exactly like everyone else; in fact, I was not made to be. The Lord knows the strengths of my personality. He also knows where it fails. Thankfully, I have His word and the Holy Spirit to help me correct my faults and to point me to the truth.

That Kinda Girl

I have often thought that the Proverbs 31 woman and I would not get along. She's busy being perfect, and I'm often preoccupied with caring way too much about myself. However, since I believe that "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV), I decided to revisit Proverbs to see how God's Word could improve my attitude. (I'm a glutton for rebuke.)

C O F F E E  S H O P

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Struggle with always emulating the Proverbs 31 woman?

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What I discovered is that the woman mentioned in Proverbs 31 is amazing. And not just in an NCG way…

The woman in Proverbs 31 — the wife the Bible says has noble character — is strong and opinionated. Her husband is fully confident in her as she runs around town buying tons of fields and working hard. She has compassion for the poor, and her children and husband have oceans of respect for her. While she does the traditional things we think of women doing (sewing, cooking, housework), the Bible says she speaks her mind with competence. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue" (vv. 25-26).

This woman has characteristics of each one of us, ladies. Whether we prefer baking or making people laugh, writing encouraging notes or debating the issues, we are all unique women created in the image of God.

Most of us have heard the following verse before, and if you're like me, you've repeated it a thousand times singing along with an old dc talk song. The most important aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman — of all of us women — is our relationship with the Lord:

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (vs. 30).

Personalities aside, our pursuit of knowing Him better is what we should truly long for.

NCGs + Denise = BFF

The Lord has blessed all of us with different personalities and gifts. Mine may not be encouragement or service (although that does not give me license to avoid those things). My gifts may be speaking truth or leadership. And that's OK. The body of Christ is made up of many parts. We all have different jobs and abilities, each of them important. "But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body" (1 Corinthians 12:18-20).

I like the NCGs. I admire them. I love being friends with them. But I don't want to be exactly like them. To emulate them would be, in a way, denying part of who the Lord has created me to be. Hopefully, as the Lord teaches me to be more like Him, I will improve on the godly qualities I see shining strong in others.

Nice Christian Girls and I can learn from and teach each other, as the Lord draws all of us closer to Him in order to glorify Himself.