Home » Dorms » Men's Hall

Girl Fast

Hiatuses are for Movie Stars

If you haven't read my article "An Idea Called Idolatry," I suggest you do so, because if you don't you might just have bad luck for about seven years. And maybe reading it will give you context for this article.

"Who needs context?" you ask. Well let's just say I withheld a significant piece of information from that article — information upon which I based this one. Here's the scoop: As a result of that Sunday morning encounter with the 44th chapter of Isaiah, I committed to a six-month intentional hiatus from pursuing any sort of romantic relationship.¹ There, the cat's out of the bag.

Basically, I decided I needed to purge my mind of any distractions and concentrate on my relationship with God. That's not to say girls are inherently distracting. Or maybe they are, but not in a bad way. …

Sheesh. Time to start digging myself out of this hole.

What I'm trying to say is that I needed some time for just God and me.

In reality, this "girl fast" isn't really about girls at all. It's about me taking a very intentional step toward becoming the man God made me to be. It's about doing away with spiritual and emotional crutches that have been hindering me from running full-speed into a life fully devoted to Christ.

If you'll oblige me, I'd like to share with you, my fellow Men's Hall dwellers, some of the things I've been learning.

Prologue

First, here's a piece of advice: Never invoke Psalm 139:23-24 (I like the NIV's rendering: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts…") unless you really, really, pinkie-swear-and-spit-on-the-ground mean it. God will take you up on it. Like a Roto-Rooter to a clogged sewer line, God will tear through all the, uh, junk, let's say, that's in your heart — lies you've been telling yourself, faulty expectations — and bring it all up to the surface. It's not the most fun (a heart renovation, like sewer line maintenance, is a notoriously messy process), but it's both necessary and good.

Stuff I've Learned

So, without further delay, here's what this pupil has learned during his six-month abstention from the ladies:

I'm pretty self-absorbed. Yeah, you read that right. It's not that I'm completely selfish, but I certainly don't think about other people and their needs nearly as often as I should. I'm glad I'm realizing this now, because being in a relationship — dating, being married, whatever — and being self-absorbed mix about as well as oil and water. Or, say, your chewing gum and your little sister's hair that one time back when you were 10.

Initially, I was convicted about my prayer life — or the paltriness thereof. I realized my divine entreaties usually consisted of me journaling about little else than myself and my own problems.

Then, some friends of mine accused me of being socially indecisive. And they were right, I have to admit. When it comes to social situations, I'm notorious for holding out for the last best option. I'm primarily concerned about how a given get-together will benefit me — not how my commitment to my group of friends could benefit them. This lack of commitment is, at its core, a manifestation of my self-absorption.

Philippians 2:3-5 is a sorely needed admonition: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

Whoever said "Patience is a virtue" was right. I've become quite aware of the fact that we're a "right now" generation. We have microwaves and fast food, ATMs and even DVD vending machines at McDonald's. Or, for those of us who aren't willing to drive to McDonald's, we have movies sent directly to us from our Netflix queues.

I think I've come to expect the same sort of instantaneity in my spiritual life. I want God to imbue me with character traits like love, joy, peace and patience right now. Of course, God could choose to do that — and rid me of all my shortcomings and insecurities as well — but usually He chooses to let life take its course. He lets me learn through experience — probably the only way that really sinks into my Neanderthal-man skull.

I'm realizing it's OK to be patient and trust He has me where He wants me to be — not just physically (at this job, in this place), but spiritually as well. That's not to say I can be complacent, spiritually speaking. But impatience isn't a virtue either.

Love your neighbor, part 1: Conflict avoidance is killer. Instead, address and work through it. I have to admit, I am a chronic conflict avoider. We just don't have the space here to discuss the myriad reasons why — much to your chagrin, I'm sure. I'm learning, though, that broaching the tough subjects is definitely the way to go.

Sometimes the loving thing to do is discuss with a friend an area of his life that needs to be exposed to the redemption of the gospel. Other times I have to humble myself, take the initiative and apologize to another friend for having insulted him.

Addressing conflict is never fun, but doing it is a necessary part of living out the Great Commandment.

Love your neighbor, part 2: Love is a verb. Christian hip-hip group dc Talk included on their early '90s album Free at Last a gem of a tune called "Luv is a Verb." Here are some of the song's very poignant lyrics:

Boom! Burn! Bip! Yeah! Pow! Hey, ha ha.
Down with the dc Talk, d- d- down with the dc Talk
Are you down with the dc Talk, d- d- down with the dc Talk

Wait, that's not what I was looking for. Here's the second verse:

Thinkin' of a way to explain-o
'Cause ya know when I'm flowin' like a bottle of Drain-o
Simple and plain L-O-V-E
Ain't all that junk that ya see on TV
Put soaps on a rope cause they ain't worth copin' with
It's a myth that there ain't no hope and
Luv is enough if it's unconditionally
Givin' now you're living out the Great Commission

The gist of the song is that love isn't just a set of positive feelings you feel toward someone — your closest pals, your girlfriend, your mom. I've really begun to internalize the fact that love is a decision — a commitment. And that commitment is embodied by what I do for someone, not how I feel about them. It's this very fact that allows us to love even our enemies, something Jesus taught.²

If God's love for Israel had been only a feeling He would have dropped Israel faster than you can say "Jehoshaphat." Throughout the Old Testament we see that God chose to act on His commitment to Israel, rather than move on to the next people group.

Isaiah, Jeremiah and Ezekiel (just to name a few) all speak of the doom and gloom God will visit on Israel if they continue in their wicked ways. As I read through these books, though, I'm struck by how God follows those prophecies with words of favor like these: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" (Isaiah 43:2-3a)."

Just as God showed Israel a commitment-oriented love, I need to do the same to the people in my life. Even when — no, especially when — I don't feel like it.

I can't live this life on my own. For the first time in my life I'm really internalizing my own depravity. It's, uh … quite the experience, I guess?

Growing up, and all through college, I was that kid who thought he had everything together. Finally I'm coming to the realization that I can't, through my own effort, become the man God created me to be. I'm just as messed up as anyone else. That's humbling. And it's helping me understand to a much fuller extent the beauty and depth of Christ's sacrifice for me.

Four Months Down, Two to Go

In Jeremiah 33:3 God tells His prophet to say to Israel, on His behalf, "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know" (NASB).

If it seems like you've got life by the horns, then let me issue you a challenge: Ask God to show you if there's anything in your life that needs to change. On the off chance that you do have everything together, felicitations to you. But if you're like me, you might just need a swift kick in the proverbial shorts every now and again.

If not — if God has you in the sort of place I described above — take advantage of it. Like this Jeremiah passage says, God will teach you, especially if you're the one extending Him the invitation to do so. And remember: College isn't just about earning a degree. It's also about establishing habits and character traits that will likely follow you for the rest of your life.

C O F F E E  S H O P

---

What's God been teaching you lately?

Join the discussion!

Whichever position you're in right now, investing yourself in the Kingdom of God — learning to do for others as Christ has done for you — certainly isn't easy. But as I've been learning over these past four months, and I'm sure you'll find out, it is worth the effort. Press on, men.