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Ask Theophilus: All About X: Not Living Up to It, Trying to Come Back to It, Trying to Talk About It

A TOUCHY TOPIC

Dear Professor Theophilus:

Most of my friends are Christian. Many of them attend Church on Sunday and a few even go to a weekly Bible study with a Christian group on campus. Yet, these same friends do stuff like get drunk on weekends and sleep with their significant others and do not see any problem with this. Do you have any advice on how to approach them?

Reply

This isn't a subject to bring up with distant acquaintances; you'd only get a reputation as a busybody, and you'd do more harm than good. If you bring it up with a friend, my advice is to be humble but direct in your approach. Try something like the following.

You: "Hey, as a friend, is it OK if I ask you a personal question?"

Him: "Yeah, I guess."

You: "I'm only asking because I don't get it. We're both Christians. We're in Bible Study together. You seem to take what Jesus said seriously. So how do you square that with stuff like getting drunk on weekends and sleeping with girls?"

Your friend might answer. Or he might get angry. The important thing is not to get angry back, but at the same time not to apologize for your beliefs. That part of the conversation might go like this.

Him: "So who made you God? Are you judging me?"

You: "No. I wouldn't have asked if I weren't your friend. I was just puzzled. But I figured maybe you'd thought about the issue and you'd tell me what you think."

If he won't talk, don't force it. You shouldn't back down from your beliefs, but it's OK to back off the subject. Be sure to hold the door open. That part of the conversation might go like this.

Him: "So you think you're perfect, huh?"

You: "You know I don't think that. Hey, I see you don't want to talk about it. We don't have to. If you ever decide you do want to, I'm still interested. What else do you want to talk about?"

A talk like this will probably get under your friend's skin, even if he doesn't admit it. That's not bad, and it may even be good, but be prepared for the fact that for better or worse, the relationship will probably change. Your friend may open up to you. On the other hand, if he's angry and defensive enough, he may put the friendship to an end. If he doesn't take a swing at you first.

That's probably why people don't have these conversations more often.

Peace be with you,

PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

My reader's response

Ha ha! I read through your conversations and I already have a pretty good idea which way they'll go. I have to admit that up to now, I've pursued a more subtle strategy of trying to be a good example while avoiding direct confrontation. Come to think of it though, out of the two times I have been direct, one had terrific results! Fifty percent kill ratio, not too bad. Anyway, thanks again for the tip.

My final reply

Not bad at all! Keep it up.

YOU KNOW THE AGONY

Dear Professor Theophilus:

I have read your story, both online and in your book How to Stay Christian in College, and I want to ask you about losing faith and then regaining it. My problem is that, like you, I didn't stay Christian in college. I could explain my own story sometime, but something else is more important to me. There are verses in the Bible that indicate that if a person falls away, he cannot return, such as Hebrews 6:4-8, Hebrews 12:16-17, 2 Peter 2:20-22, and maybe Hebrews 10:26-31, 35-39 and Hebrews 3:14. I don't know if you ever struggled with these verses upon realizing that you had rejected God and yet He was real; if you did, then you know the agony of it (what could be worse?). You would also know how ardently I wish for these verses not to apply to me, or not to mean what I think they may mean.

I know that you said at one point, "His promise is that if only the rebel turns to Jesus Christ in repentant faith, giving up claims of self-ownership and allowing this Christ the run of the house, He will redeem everything there is in it." Thus, I'm not looking for your opinion on the matter (it's obvious), but rather I struggle with those verses and wonder how they could not be about what you did (or what I did).

Reply

I do understand your agony, but you can return to God. As St. John writes in one of his letters, "My little children, I am writing this to you so that you may not sin; but if any one does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and he is the expiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world."¹

You have been needlessly paralyzing yourself by reading meanings into Scripture that aren't really there. When Hebrews 6:4-8 declares that some people can no longer be stirred to repentance, it certainly confirms that they have lost the ability to repent, but it doesn't say that anyone who does repent is beyond forgiveness. When Hebrews 12:15-17 remarks that Esau "found no chance to repent," it certainly makes clear that he couldn't get his birthright back, but it doesn't mean he couldn't be sorry, confess and be forgiven. (By the way, there is a big difference between being forgiven of the guilt of sin, and being freed from the damage it does to our lives.) In 2 Peter 2:20-22, St. Peter isn't teaching that nobody who betrays Christ can return — after all, he betrayed Him and then returned! Peter is merely teaching that those who persist in apostasy are worse off than if they had never followed Christ in the first place.

Not only do the other Hebrews passages you mention teach the same thing, but you are overlooking the point of Hebrews 10:35-39: That we should persevere in faith and not throw away our confidence in God. This can't be turned into a reason to stay away if we haven't persevered.

Let me paint you the big picture about losing faith and then regaining it. Scripture teaches four main truths about this subject: A wonderful truth, a terrifying truth, a reassuring truth, and finally a soul-searching truth.

1. The wonderful truth is that there is no limit to God's mercy in Christ. The only limit comes from us — if we fail to repent.
2. The terrifying truth is that it is possible to fail to repent. Worse yet, we can refuse to repent, and it is even possible, through persistence in such refusal, to lose the capacity to repent. Scripture calls obstinate refusal to repent "blasphemy against the Holy Spirit,"² and it's not hard to see why. Since the Holy Spirit is where repentance has its source, refusing to repent and refusing the One who stirs repentance are the same thing.³ To put it another way, there is one and only one unforgivable sin: Obstinately refusing to return to the One who forgives.
3. The reassuring truth is that if you do repent and return to Him, then, obviously, you are not in that terrible condition. There is no need to fear that you cannot be forgiven, and you should return without delay. Nothing but you can prevent your coming back.
4. The soul-searching truth is that sometimes we fear anyway: Not because God might not take us back — but because we don't really want Him to. We irrationally use the fear of not being taken back as an excuse for refusing to return. Make sure that you're not doing that!

Here is the bottom of it. God isn't looking for ways to trip us up and keep us away from Himself. We are the only ones who play such games; He seeks all of His lost sheep.⁴ The very fact that you long to return to God proves that He is calling you, because He is the sole source of such desire. So don't mistrust His mercy; trust Him and mistrust yourself.

I am condensing a long string of correspondence (which is still going on). In one of your follow-up letters you asked how you can be sure that your desire to return is really real, sure that God will actually take you back.

The answer to both questions is the same: There is only one way. Return to Him, and then you will know that you wanted to! Accept His offer to take you back, and then you will know He took you back! As the psalmist says, "O taste and see that the Lord is good! Happy is the man who takes refuge in him!"⁵

That's what I discovered in my bad old days. Why shouldn't you take refuge too? Are you afraid that He will keep His promises? Tell me it isn't so.

Peace be with you,

PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

HOW CAN I HELP MY FRIEND?

Dear Professor Theophilus:

I am a Christian, but it is only recently that I have been truly interested in Christ. Since that time, something has been weighing heavily on me. At the school I used to go to, there was a girl who was a good friend. She follows an Eastern religion, like her mom, but her dad is "Christian." I put "Christian" in quotes because his Christianity is only nominal — the things he has done to my friend and her mom are really disgusting. One time, my friend confessed to me that she heard voices, clear voices. These voices were telling her that there was no point to life, that everything was only going to end in destruction, and that she was worthless. She never mentioned it again, but I could see that it was really destroying her. Being only 15 with little strength in God, I did nothing to help her spiritually. Now, a few years later, I want to help her more than anything, and feel I am at a place where I can. We keep in touch, and recently I asked her about the voices. She said that the voices were reflections of her, and that she is perfect no matter what. How do I share God with her when the only Christian she had ever known before, her dad, wronged her terribly?

Reply

You mention that you've been truly interested in Christ only recently. I see that this new interest is already bearing fruit: Your deepened concern for your friend. God bless you for this.

You're right that your friend needs Christ, but you are mistaken in thinking that the immediate problem is discerning the best way to evangelize her. If she is hearing voices, then she may be psychologically disturbed. I am not diagnosing her; what I am saying is that she needs the attention of someone who is capable of doing so. The first duty of Christian love is to encourage her to visit a professional — a Christian professional who can recognize the difference between spiritual problems and psychological problems — so that she can be evaluated and receive the right kind of help.

Don't think that evangelizing her is a substitute for encouraging her to seek such help, and don't yield to the temptation of thinking that you can play doctor yourself. Nothing in your letter suggests that you happen to be subject to that particular temptation, but many people are, so be on the lookout in case it raises its head.

C O F F E E  S H O P

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What are some ways you've helped your non-Christian friends?

Join the discussion!

In the meantime, simply continue to be your friend's friend. By all means speak of how Christ loves her. Remember, though, that the most convincing witness to the love of Christ will be your own loving friendship for her.

Peace be with you,

PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

P.S. No, readers, I'm not denying the possibility of evil spirits as the source of the voices. But evil spirits are always the last possibility to consider, not the first, and a great deal of harm can be done by leaping to conclusions. Scripture itself makes such distinctions.⁶ Besides, the author of this letter is no more qualified to play exorcist than to play doctor — and I am glad that nothing in her letter suggests that she is subject to that particular temptation either!

If you have a question you'd like Professor Theophilus to consider for this column, please send it to asktheo@trueu.org. Please note, all questions selected for "Ask Theophilus" may be edited for clarity and privacy, and become the property of Focus on the Family.